How Does Money Affect Relationships?

Money is often cited as one of the major sources of conflict in relationships.

According to a 2018 study on personal finance, one in five Americans say they have financial disagreements with their partners on a monthly basis. 41% of those surveyed say that financial anxiety has an impact on their relationships some of the time.

It might be something as simple as how to divvy up the bills each month, or it could be a more complicated issue, like one person racking up debt that the other feels they have to help pay off.

Here are a couple of the most common money problems that come up in relationships:

1. Different spending habits

When one partner is a shopaholic but the other is frugal, it can lead to serious tension. You may find yourself arguing about how much money is being spent—and on what.

Chances are, you’re not going to change your spending habits overnight. But it’s important to be honest and open about how much you expect to spend with your partner and try to find a happy medium.

2. Unshared debt

This is a big one, especially if you’re married. If one partner has a lot of debt—whether it’s from student loans, credit cards, or something else—it can put a strain on the relationship.

The partner with the debt may feel like they’re shouldering all the financial responsibility in the relationship, while the other partner may feel like they’re being taken advantage of.

What’s more, outstanding debt can make it difficult to achieve joint financial goals, like buying a house or saving for retirement.

So, how do you deal with unshared debt in a relationship? Here again, communication is the key—you need to be honest about the situation and devise a plan to pay off the debt together.

3. Financial-satisfaction disparity

Here’s something that might not be so obvious: your level of financial satisfaction can impact your relationship, even if you don’t realize it.

A study conducted to determine the relationship between financial satisfaction and financial stressors in marriages revealed an inverse correlation between the two. In plain English, the more financially satisfied you are, the less stressed you’ll be.

But what if only one partner is satisfied with the financial situation? That’s where things can get tricky. The partner who’s happy with the status quo may not understand why their spouse is constantly complaining about money, and on the other hand, the dissatisfied partner may feel like their concerns are being dismissed.

The solution boils down to being open and honest with your partner (you’re probably starting to sense a theme here). If you’re not happy with the way things are, explain why, and if your partner brings up a financial pain point, do your best to keep an open mind and listen.

4. Money sharing

When it comes to money, some people are all for sharing everything—joint bank accounts, credit and debit cards, and so on—while others prefer to keep their finances separate.

There’s no right or wrong answer here; it’s really a matter of personal preference. Some couples find that sharing everything creates a sense of unity and intimacy, while others feel like it’s an invasion of privacy.

If you and your partner don’t see eye to eye on how to handle your finances, it can lead to serious problems. For example, one partner may feel like they’re always getting stuck with the bill or like they have to constantly ask their spouse for money.

To deal with this issue, sit down and discuss your comfort levels with sharing money and try to find a compromise that works for both of you.

5. Financial power plays

In many relationships, one partner tends to have more control over the finances than the other, whether that’s because they’re more money-literate or simply because they’re more interested in it.

While this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it can create problems if the balance of power is skewed too far in one direction.

The partner with more financial power may make too many decisions without consulting their spouse, or they might use their power to control or manipulate the other partner (something that can happen even if their intentions are good and they don’t mean to).

On the flip side, the partner with less power may feel like they’re not being heard or that their opinion doesn’t matter. They may also start to resent their spouse for always being in control.

If you find yourself in this situation, try to come up with a system where both partners have an equal say. Experiment with solutions like having weekly or monthly budgeting conversations.

And if you’re the one who feels like you’re constantly being controlled, voice your concerns to your partner—it’s possible they think you’re perfectly happy to let them take the reigns and have no idea anything’s wrong.

6. Unequal incomes

Differences in income levels can add an extra layer of complexity to your finances—and your relationship. If one partner is earning significantly more than the other, it can create a power dynamic that’s difficult to navigate.

A 2017 report revealed that income equality has an inverse relationship with happiness and satisfaction in relationships, meaning the more equal your incomes are, the happier you’ll be—and vice versa.

Fortunately, if your incomes are far from equal, it doesn’t have to tear your relationship apart.

Talk about your expectations and see if you can agree on a system that feels fair to both of you. If one partner is earning more money, they may be able to cover a larger share of the bills and expenses. Alternatively, you might choose to keep a healthy distance from each other’s finances and avoid prying to prevent negative feelings.

That brings us to the next financial issue that can damage relationships:

7. Jealousy

Jealousy is a universal emotion. Sometimes it can even be a healthy feeling that spurs people to improve themselves and their situation. But when it comes to money in relationships, jealousy is far more likely to be toxic.

Jealousy often rears its ugly head when one partner starts earning more money than the other. Let’s say that your partner spends a lot of money on their hobbies, whereas you’re struggling to make ends meet. It’s only natural that you’d start to feel envious of their spending.

Solving this problem isn’t easy. If your feelings are strong enough, you might have to consult with a therapist to help you work through them. That isn’t anyone’s idea of a fun time, but it’s worth it if it keeps your relationship strong.

We’ve mentioned several strategies that you can use to solve these problems already, but in more detail, here are a few more tips on how to avoid money-related strife with your loved one.

1. Talk about it

As you’ve probably already gathered, communication is key when it comes to money problems in a relationship (as well as most other relationship problems, really).

Money is a sensitive subject, but it’s something that you have to work on being open about.

Sit down with your partner and discuss your respective comfort levels with splitting up your money. And if you’re struggling to make ends meet, be honest about it—your partner can’t help you if they don’t know what’s going on.

2. Keep your cool

Try to keep your emotions in check when discussing money with your partner. It might be challenging to have a calm discussion if you’re feeling stressed or anxious about your finances, but it’s important not to get angry or defensive.

Take a step back and take a deep breath before you say anything. If you start to feel yourself getting worked up, take a break and return to the discussion when you’re feeling more level-headed.

3. Be honest

Honesty is always the best policy—especially when it comes to money. If you’re not honest with your partner about your finances, it will only create problems down the road.

If you’re in debt, let them know. If you’re struggling to make ends meet, tell them that you need help.

The more honest you are, the easier it will be to find a solution that works for both of you.

4. Decide on a financial split

Once you’ve had a chance to talk things over, it’s time to decide how you’re going to split your finances. It all comes down to what works for you and your partner.

While some couples choose to keep their finances separate, others may have one person take on most of the financial burden. There’s no right or wrong way to do it. Just make sure that you’re both on the same page.

5. Deal with personal debt together

If you have a lot of personal debt (or your partner does), it’s crucial to deal with it together. Trying to tackle it on your own can make things harder, and it’s likely to strain your relationship.

Sit down and come up with a plan to pay off the debt. If you’re really having trouble making ends meet, consider getting help from a financial planner or debt relief specialist.

6. Consider a prenup

A prenuptial agreement (or prenup) is a legal document that outlines how you and your partner will handle your finances in the event of a divorce. While it may seem like a cold and unromantic way to start a marriage, it can be a helpful tool for couples who want to protect their assets.

Start by talking to a lawyer to see if a prenup is right for you. If you decide to go ahead with it, make sure that you’re both honest about your finances. The last thing you want is to sign a prenup that’s not legally binding.

7. Educate yourselves on the different types of financial personalities

You probably have a different approach to money than your partner does. That’s okay! But it’s important to understand how your respective financial personalities can impact your relationship.

According to some financial psychologists, there are four major money personalities:

• Money avoidance
• Money worship
• Money status
• Money vigilance

Each type of person has a different relationship with money, and knowing which category you and your partner fall into can help you find common ground.

Try taking a financial personality quiz and discuss the results with your partner. Whether or not you identify with any of the personality types listed above, this may help you understand each other’s money habits and how to work together to reach your financial goals.

8. Try earning money with your partner

Half the point of being in a relationship is not having to handle your problems alone. If you need more money, you and your partner can work on that together.

Sit down and explore strategies for boosting your income. This might mean agreeing to sublet a room in your home or renting out your car for money when you’re not using it (a great option if you have two cars, only one of which you actually need on a daily basis).

You can also pick up a side hustle that you can do together with your partner. There are plenty of side hustles that are perfect for couples. If yours really takes off, you could eventually convert it into a full-time career that you share with the person you’re closest to.

9. Enjoy your money and time together

No matter how you choose to handle your finances, the most important thing is to enjoy your life with your partner. Money is just one part of a relationship, so don’t let it come between you.

Sort out your finances so that you feel secure, then focus on what truly matters: spending time with your partner and making memories that will last a lifetime.