Couples Cash Report: How Many Couples Fight About Money? (And How Can You Prevent It)

Stackin asked respondents whether they felt pressured to spend more by their partner. The responses differed somewhat based on gender: Around one in three men (36%) said that they sometimes felt pressured, whereas this was only true for roughly one in four women (26%).

Those who denied that they felt any pressure to spend from their partner were nearly evenly split between men (54%) and women (45%).

Interestingly, many people with high annual household incomes gave an affirmative answer acknowledging this pressure, with 34% of those earning over $95,000 a year saying that they sometimes felt pressured to spend more money than they were comfortable with.

One trend that Stackin spotted was that the older the person was, the less likely they were to feel pressured to spend. This may be because most people expect to have to stretch their money further as they age and retire.

Financial disparities in relationships

The survey found that financial inequality in relationships was common:

• 20% of people said either they or their partner earned significantly more than the other
• One in five (20%) said they had a more relaxed attitude to spending than their partner
• Just 13% said their partner was more relaxed than they were

When one partner earns more than the other, it can lead to mismatched expectations, which in turn can leave people feeling the pressure to spend more than they’re comfortable with.

Stackin’s report revealed that nearly one-third of people in relationships (30%) don’t feel at all comfortable talking to their partner about money.

One in seven (14%) agreed that they would rather talk about their sex life than money with their partner.

This is understandable, although it runs counter to the conventional wisdom that it’s important to talk about money early on in a relationship. (In general, this is good advice—it’s particularly vital to have important money conversations before marriage so you know what you’re both signing up for.)

Older couples are more willing to talk about money

Another age pattern Stackin spotted was that the older the respondent, the more willing they were talking about their finances with their partner, with half of baby boomers disagreeing that it made them uncomfortable.

This might be influenced by income level. Younger people tend to have lower incomes and less work experience, both of which are usually correlated with being more reluctant to discuss money.

Nearly two-thirds of people (71%) revealed they had argued with a partner about money in the past, with one in three (31%) admitting they’d had an argument with their partner about money in the last month. For one in six (16%), that was as recent as the last week.

People in the 34–54 age group were most likely to admit to arguing with their partner about money. This is arguably unsurprising; for many people, that’s the age range when financial pressures around family life and home ownership really start to ramp up.

Those earning the least were most likely to report that they’d argued about money. They also reported that they argued more frequently. One in four people (26%) earning $25,000 or less had argued about money in the last week. One in four of those earning between $25,000 and $35,000 had argued within the last month.

Arguments can often lead to secret-keeping. One in five people (21%) admitted to hiding things they’d spent money on from their partner. In the 45–54 age range, this rose to more than one in four (28%).

One in five people (20%) said they suspected their partner was being dishonest with them about their finances. More than one in eight (13%) had debt they were keeping secret from their loved one.

To help people approach money with their partner in a healthy way and prevent couples from falling out, Stackin’s financial therapist, Megan Ford, Ph.D., offers five tips:

1. Know thyself: Exploring your own relationship with money is a foundation for navigating financial issues more successfully with a partner. Recognize that your habits and beliefs are deeply rooted in your family experiences and money memories, both good and bad.
2. Prepare to get financially naked: Part of having a healthy financial partnership is transparency and a willingness to let your partner into your financial world. This can be scary, but sharing openly with one another can build financial intimacy—the feeling of closeness, trust, and safety in the financial aspects of your relationship. Getting financially naked means talking honestly about your income, assets, and debts, as well as your money values, your spending and saving habits, and your goals.
3. Prioritize money dates: Setting aside time weekly or monthly to discuss your finances as a couple is the key to staying on top of things and heading off conflict before it shows up. Most couples are busy, so be proactive and put it on the calendar to make sure you’re both accountable. If you tend to get overwhelmed by money discussions, experiment with making a list or agenda to keep you on track.
4. Find what fits: Financial planning for couples isn’t one-size-fits-all. No money strategy will work the same way for everyone, so it’s best to avoid being overly concerned about how and what other couples do with money. Instead, use those examples as a starting point and find what works for you. Most importantly, stay flexible and open to renegotiating as life shifts.
5. Don’t wait if this area needs attention: Money is one of the top contributors to relationship conflict, and when left to fester, financial issues can end relationships. If you’re having trouble navigating this topic together, know that it’s totally normal, but don’t wait to seek out a third party who can help you work through it. Reach out to a financial therapist, counselor, or coach.

Understanding the trends is a good first step, but you should also apply the findings of this survey to your own life. Coming to terms with your own strengths and weaknesses will help you understand what financial wellness really means for you and your partner, and communicating with each other will help you establish and maintain a healthy financial relationship.